Father, forgive them...

Lately I've been watching The Bible dvds. If you're not familiar with them, it's a series of Bible stories from the creation up to the book of Acts. Today I watched the crucifixion & it moved me in a beautiful way.

I found tears running down my cheeks as I watched the Roman soldiers beat Yeshua until he could barely walk. I felt my chin trembling as I watched Yeshua pick up his cross, lean forward, and gently kiss it. I swiped tears as I watched Mary, obviously distressed, run out to her bloody and battered Son. I was overcome with emotion by a story I've read and heard a thousand times before. 

But this time? It was real.

You see, I was there with them.

I was there as they were screaming “Crucify him!”

I felt my heart breaking as I watched the Romans beat Jesus until he resembled a piece of raw meat.

And I nailed him to the cross. Not physically, of course, but it was my sins-our sins-that nailed Jesus to that tree.

As the Romans whipped Jesus, I found myself wanting to scream, “He's innocent, don't you see? He didn't do anything wrong!” It hit me for the first time how...pure and innocent this God-man was. As I watched the soldiers mock Jesus and yell at him on the cross, I wanted Jesus to come down. I wanted him to show them who was boss. I wanted him to display his might and power! Anything but hang on the cross without replying to their harsh comments.

All he said was, “Father, forgive them. For they know not what they do.”

Father...forgive them...For they know what they do.

Jesus forgave the men who murdered him.

Why is it I struggle to forgive the people I love who hurt me?

Instead, I want to make them feel sorry for what they did, hear a sincere apology, then forgive them. But that is not the way our Teacher showed us.

And so every time I struggle with forgiving someone who has wronged me, I think to myself... “Jesus forgave the men who nailed him to the cross. How can I do anything less?” Make it a little more personal, if you want. “Jesus forgave me. How can I do anything less?”
I guarantee you will be hurt in life. Not just by your enemies, but also by those who love you the most. You can either let bitterness and resentment overtake you or you can forgive them. Remember forgiveness is not a feeling; it's a choice. 

But after all.

How can we do anything less?

Let me tell you a little something about the eagles

Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
there's nothing left of me?

I want to be an eagle when they face the storms of life. The eagle flies to a high spot and will simply wait for the storm to come. When the storm eventually hits, the eagle sets its wings and allows the storm to pick him up. Then something beautiful, something incredible happens. The eagle rises above the storm. It doesn't try to escape it-it simply soars above it. In essence, it uses the storm to lift it higher. I love that. I want to be like an eagle. I want to rise above the storms of life. Instead of running away from the storms, I want to use them to lift me higher.

"When a storm comes, all other birds seek shelter.

The eagle alone avoids the storm

by flying above it."

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper 

Goodnight

This Cross of Mine

I run my hand over the rough wood stained with blood.

His words echoing in my mind... “If any man come after me...”

I think back to that moment in time, how I'd felt my pulse racing.

I, I wanted to follow him. I felt like cheering.

Then he continued.

…“he must deny himself...”

I paused. Deny myself?

“...and pick up his cross...”

Pick up his cross? What was this rabbi talking about?

“...and follow me.”

A murmur spreads through the crowd followed by an awkward silence.

The rabbi knew what the cross meant.

The cross meant torture. Death. The worst, most cruel death the Romans had yet created.

And Yeshua was telling the crowd to pick up their cross?

I felt a lump in my throat...A cross meant certain death.

Yeshua was asking us to die to ourselves.

Confused, I found myself walking away with the majority of the crowd.

I hesitated, expecting, hoping that Yeshua would follow us and say,

“Alright! If that's too much to ask, let's work out a bargain.”

But...he didn't.

I glanced over my shoulder to see the teacher surrounded by his twelve disciples.

They looked as bewildered and lost as I felt.

I tried to ignore the Rabbi's words and push them from my mind.

And yet, I couldn't.

The words kept coming back to me...almost haunting me.

“If any man come after me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross,

and follow me.”

I knew what that meant: if you wanted to follow Jesus, it would cost you.

Everything.

Possibly even your life.

For years I wrestled with his words...I wrestled with my doubts and questions.

Was it worth it?

Did I have what it would take?

The stakes were high. I wanted to count the cost.

I kept that mindset. Until one day.

The day my God died.

On a tree.

On the cross he had spoken of.

I ran up to the cross.

Tears blinding my eyes.

Reaching up, I run my hand over the wood.

Feel the wood.

Feel the blisters piercing your skin.

Run your finger over the blood.

It was in that moment I saw it.

I saw the great love he had for me. For everyone.

I saw that even though the price to win our hearts was great, he paid it nevertheless.

I realized that just because the stakes are high doesn't mean it's not worth it.

And I realized.

The stakes? The cost? They so, so small because he is so, so worth it. 

I want. To change. The world.

I am royalty
I have destiny
I have been set free
I'm gonna shake history (jake hamilton. the anthem.)

You know what I want?
I want...to change the world.
Do you think I'm crazy?
Let me say it again. I want. To change. This world.
Still think I'm crazy?
Let me tell you something I'm learning.
It's always the crazy ones God uses.

My new favorite verse? Acts 17:6. Basically, the Jews who hated the Christians dragged a cluster of disciples before the city officials.

"they dragged Jason and some other believers before the city officials, shouting: "These men who have caused trouble all over the world have now come here."

Wait. Stop. Right there. Rewind. "These men who have caused trouble all over the world..."
You wanna know what other translations say about "these men"?

::upset the world
::stirred up trouble
::terrorized the world area
::turned the world upside down

That? That gets the blood rushing through my veins. The disciples, a relatively tiny group, were changing the world. I love how God entrusted twelve men to change the world. Just twelve. I want people to be able to say that about me...that I upset the world. That I changed the world. For Jesus. So help me God, I will not waste my life. I will change this world.

..."Today I will live my life in such a way that I will change the world!" ~Declaration of a World Change

Right?

count yo blessings

:: homemade ice cream
:: Roller Coaster Tycoon with the baby sister
:: home grown tomatoes
:: rain. rain. rain. 

{{it rained today

i stood in the rain praying.

"God, wash it all, wash it all away."}}

:: I get to see my dear friend tomorrow! I. can't. wait. We will probably sit on her couch and drink Dr. Pepper and catch up on life. And probably tell awkward stories from my awkward life. 

:: "if you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all." ~isaiah 7:9

:: i leave for colorado in a little less than two months. so much change. so many mixed emotions. how in the world is it time for me to almost leave already?!

:: give everything. or don't bother giving anything at all.   

Seattle Bound

As I write this, I am sitting on my plane bound for Seattle. I'm watching soft clouds roll by and enjoying the calm blue river that weaves its way through the snow topped mountains. But mostly, I am listening. I'm trying my best to listen to the conversation between the two people in front of me over the hum of the plane's engine. When I got on the plane, I did my best to hurl my fat carry on in the overhead bin, always a struggle for me. The guy sitting in front of me, wearing a Cal hat, encouraged me saying, “You got it, girl!” Let's call him Kyle. The lady sitting beside him (we'll call her Maggie) was a foreign exchange student from Denmark so the two quickly struck up a conversation. I listened as Kyle asked her questions and listened intently to her answers, nodding her head. It was obvious he genuinely cared about what she was saying. Before we had even taken off, I thought, “I bet he's a Christian.” It wasn't necessarily what he was saying at that point that made me wonder if he was a Christian...he was mostly just asking general questions, after all. It was his love, genuine and tangible, the way that he cared. Kyle continued to listen as Maggie talked about her experience as a foreign exchange student in a small village of 65 people in Alaska and life back home in Denmark. Then, not to my surprise, he talked about how he wanted to go into ministry. As they kept talking, I leaned forward, trying my best to listen to what was being said without being too creepy. Kyle talked about Christianity, about Jesus, about a peace he couldn't explain. He talked about how we don't have to find our happiness in materialism, about serving others. “Why are you serving yourself?” he asked. He talked about Jesus, but never once did he preach at Maggie. Instead of saying, “You're a sinner and going to hell,” he talked about the difference that God had made in his life. And I don't doubt it.

     I saw God's love shining through this complete stranger. But you know what amazes me? Even before Kyle ever said anything about wanting to go into ministry or Christianity, I guessed he was a Christian. You know how I knew? It was because of his love. Once at church we sang the song, “And They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love.” While singing, I felt physically sick. I thought about how Christians are know as hypocrites, judgmental, legalistic people who are obsessed with following rules. That's why Kyle immediately stood out to me. Love that looks like that will always stand out.

     You know how I know that? Because we live in a world where people, honestly, don't really care. We sit next to strangers on planes and, sure, we might make small talk, but do we actually care about them? Do we care about the person working at McDonalds? Do we actually care about the homeless man with a shopping cart on the corner of the street? Do we even care about the girls being trafficked everyday? You say, “Sure, I care!” But do you care enough to do something about it? What about the single mom who has kids with empty stomachs and are about to be evicted from her house? Oh...you prayed for them in church, did you now? Well, why don't you be the answer to your own prayer and do something about it? Or what about the kid who sits by them-self? Who wants to commit suicide? Whose lonely? Are you too wrapped up in your own bubble, in your own world, to notice their pain?

     Know I'm not saying this to preach at you. I'm saying this because, time and time again, that has been me. I've been the one who judges the homeless man without remembering he has a story, a past. I've been the one who says human trafficking is horrible, but remains in my comfort zone. I've been the one who excludes people, left them sitting by themselves in their lonely corner. You know what's terrible, though? Once upon a time, that was me who felt like I was on the outside looking in. That was me who could never fit in with anyone, anywhere. But then it changed when I found people who accepted and loved me. Do you see what a hypocrite I am? I see other people sitting alone and I know exactly how they feel. I can feel their pain. I know exactly what thoughts are running through their head because once? That was me. And yet...often...I think to myself, “Look, I'm sorry you don't fit in, but I finally fit in now! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You'll survive, I promise.” If we were being painfully honest, I think most of us would admit we don't actually care. You know what I think? You don't really care if you don't do something about it. Love is an action, a verb. If we really love and care for others like we claim we do, then we will do something about it and act upon it.

     So this is my challenge to myself as well as you: Love everyone, everywhere. Love everyone who crosses your path. Go out and be a love revolutionary. Love, not politics, not war, not power, is the only thing that can change the world. Love as if your love is unlimited and you'll find out that it is.

Toto, we aren't in kansas anymore...

Alaska has the most beautiful sunsets

So cute

 My friend and I got to ride a float plane similar to this. We flew to a nearby Native Alaskan village and spent the night at this cute lodge. On the way home, I got to ride in the cockpit with the pilot! 

You would not believe how insanely big some of the cruise ships are!! 

Letting Go