Till Death Do Us Part...

            “Sir, can I help you?”
            I was working with my co-worker, also named Anna, when an older gentleman  wandered into the back room for employees only. I glanced up from making his wife’s sandwich as Anna helped the elderly man. His wife, a beautiful older lady with pretty eyes and an easy smile, quickly said, “Oh, let me go help him.” She hurried away to go help her husband, speaking to him in a gentle and loving voice. Two things were obvious from observation: 1. Her husband clearly wasn’t all there, most likely suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. 2. His wife still loved him very much. I remember the last years of my Grandma’s life. We would visit her at the nursing home after church every Sunday. I was too young to understand the impact of my Grandma’s Alzheimer’s, but I understood one thing: my Grandma didn’t know me. Only once do I remember watching as a spark of recognition flickered in her eyes. To those who don’t know anyone suffering from Alzheimer’s, it’s hard to wrap their mind around. But those like me who have watched loved ones suffer from it know it doesn’t just affect the victim, but everyone around it.

            After I got off work, I continued to think about the couple. I imagined a younger version of them, pictures of black-and-white photographs of them flashing through my head. Perhaps he’d been in the army and they had gotten married as soon as he’d returned home. I imagined a wedding photograph of the young couple, bursting with happiness, their love apparent to all. I imagined pictures of them holding their newborn infant, their faces glowing with peace and pride. And then the growing up years…more children were added to the photos, more wrinkles appeared on their faces. And before they knew it, their children were flying the nest and heading off to college, leaving just the two of them, older, wiser, but still in love.

            And maybe that’s when he began to forget. Slowly at first, but more steadily as the years advanced. First it was forgetting the year, but then other things…his grandchild’s name, his address. It all led up to the doctor’s diagnosis: Alzheimer’s. Then I imagined the day that she’d finally realized that’d she’d lost him. How devastating and heart-breaking that moment must have been! But even though she’d lost him, one fact remained the same: she still loved him. Not just for who he once was, but for who he still was. It was a kind of love that stretched farther than any emotion. A love that says, “Will you love me even if I forget your name? Will you love me even if I have no clue who you are?” A love that means what it says when it says, “I’ll love you till death do us part. In sickness and health. For better or worse.”  It’s that kind of love that makes the world spin round. A love that says, “I’ll still love you…even if you forget that you love me, too.” 

Demons of My Soul...

            Adonai.

            It was when I whispered his name that the first blow came.

            “Never mention his name again!”

            His fist made contact with my eye.

            “Understand?” He didn’t give me a chance to reply as he screamed, “Do you understand?”

            Unable to speak, I nod. I feel blood trickle down my lip, filling my mouth with its sticky taste.

            “If you mention his name again, I swear I will drag you with me when I return to hell!”

            Glancing around, the demon paces the floor as if waiting for someone.

            I lay on the cold floor, numb and exhausted.

            Adonai.

            Abba.

            Yeshua.

            Jesus, what have I done? Abba, what have I done with your Son?

            He had offered me the world and I had refused. What I would give to go back and do it over! But when I told Adonai no, I had sealed my fate, my destiny. There was no turning back, no white prince who would come and rescue me. I was getting only what I had brought on myself. I drifted off into a fitful night of sleep. I dreamt of the night Adonai and I lay under the stars, whispering. He had told me he loved me, but I had scoffed at him. Now when I thought about those simple words, they filled my body and quieted my restless soul. My dream dramatically changed scenery when hundreds of demons started lurking in the background. I could see them, smell them, feel them, but Adonai…He couldn’t. He sat there, helpless, reminding me of his love as the demons crept up behind him, reaching out their greedy claws. I tried to warn him of the darkness lurking but he didn’t hear me. Finally, they grabbed him.

            “ADONAI! No, they’re coming for you!!” I jerk up from my dream, screaming bloody murder. I felt the next blow before I even saw the demon.

            “WHAT DID I TELL YOU??” He grabs me by the throat, preventing any air circulation. Unable to speak, I stare into the demon’s black eyes. I feel my breath grow fainter and was sure I was dying-hoped I was dying.

            This is the end, I think to myself. What a tragic ending to a dance that had once been so beautiful. But as he cluthces me by the neck, I noticed something in the demon’s eye. Something sparked when I had screamed Adonai’s name.

            Fear.

            The demon was afraid of Adonai.

            I summon up all my strength and croak out, “Adonai.” The demon hurls me on the ground, my body slamming against the floor. Pain explodes. Death awaits me, welcomes me.

            But I don’t give up, not quite yet.

            “Adonai. Adonai. Adonai.” I repeat his name over and over, each time growing bolder. Each time, the Demon grows weaker, his grip on me loosening. The terror in his black eyes ignites.

            I have discovered the demon’s weakest spot, his secret.

            He-yes, even he, is in some way I can't quite understand, subject to Adonai.

            The demon finally lets me go, turning away in disgust. I curl up in a damp corner, whimpering softly to myself. Salty tears run down my raw cheeks but I lack the motivation to dust them away.

            Where am I? Hell?

            Safe for the moment, I tentatively glance around.  I am deep, deep within a pit, not unlike a well in many aspects. The ground is muddy and damp and I hear a dripping noise coming from somewhere. I roll painfully over on my side and notice a faint trace of light far, far above me. For a brief moment, I feel a flicker of hope. Perhaps I can escape! But then reality, ever so stinging, sinks it. It's too far. I could never do it. Groaning, I twist on my back once again and drift off into a dreamless night of sleep.

            The next few days pass in a blurry haze, drifting between life and death. The demon is still there, guarding me, making sure I wouldn't make a foolish attempt to get away. I never do. I am smart enough to realize I can never make it out on my own. Never.

            Time drifted on...one week, maybe. Two? Who knows. I awake one morning to hear low voices and crouch forward to listen. When I hear the second voice, my heart stops beating for a moment. It was Him. He came! Relief floods over me and bubbles up in laughter. But...why? Why would he come after everything I had so cruelly done to him? 

            “Silence." Jesus, eyes compassionte, turns to me. "Cassandrella. My beloved.”
             Shaking my head, I summon the courage to look up.

            “Why? Why have you returned?”

            Yeshua pauses for a moment before replying, his voice dripping with emotion. “You really don't understand how much I love you, do you, child? Or the fact that I would to the earth and back to rescue my precious lamb? I love you, Cassendrella.”

             I hear sobbing and realize it’s my own. With those four words, a torrent of painful memories rush back, forcing me to dissolve to the ground like a puddle. Painful beatings. Getting screamed at. Humiliated. Wanting to die. He was the only one who had ever told me that he loved me but more importantly, he was the only one who had taken the time to show what true love was. And along the painful rush of memories also came sweet memories of happier times. Laying on the soft ground and looking at the canopy of twinkling stars with Yeshua. Picking wildflowers in the meadow. Splashing each other in the gurgling creek. Why had I left all of that? And for what? That was the question that still plagued  me everyday of my existence.

            “Come with me, Cassendrella. Today. Right now.”

            “I can't, my Lord. I...am ruined.”

            “And I am healer.” Yeshua disappears momentarily and then tosses something down the dark pit.
            A rope.

            “You can't do that!” screams the demon.

            “And I said SILENCE!” Yeshua thunders. Once again, he shifts his attention back to me. "Come with me. The choice is yours, Cassendrella. I won't make it for you. I provided the rope, now it is your turn to provide the choice."

            I take one shaky step forward. Then another. Then another. It is then that the demon starts speaking.

            “You're a failure, Cassendrella. You are worth nothing.”

            I hesitate, stumble, take my eyes off Yeshua.

            “Eyes on the finish line, daughter. You are beautiful. I love you.”

            “You are ugly. You belong here.” His words sting, not because they are the lies, but because they are the truth.

            He continues, “Do you understand what you did to him? You left him after everything he did for you. You betrayed him. And that's not the worst either. You crucified him. You-" he points a deformed finger in my face- "crucified him! After all he did for you and what did you give him in return? A bloody cross? Didn't you? DIDNT YOU?”

            “Shut up! I'm telling you once and for all, shut up!" The demon looks surprised and closes his mouth.

            “Yes, it's true. I can't deny any of it. I betrayed him. I walked away from everything he offered me. And yes...my choices, my past, my sin nailed him to the cross. But...but it's not my sins that kept him there either. It was his love.” With that, I take the final step forward and grasp the rough rope. The climb up is difficult and tedious, but Yeshua is there pulling me up and at long last, I reach the top, the end of my journey. I melt into Yeshua's comforting arms and murmur over and over, “I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

            "You are forgiven. You are forgiven." He whispers repeatedly into my hair. Arm and arm, we walk away into the a melting sunset of hazy purples, vibrant oranges, and creamy yellows.

            So there it is, my friends. The verdict is up to you. You are in a dark pit but there is a rope there, a rope leading to the sunshine and the loving arms of Yeshua. The choice, my friends, is entirely yours.

Once Upon a Peace Treaty...

                                   

     A couple months ago, I rode on a horse.
     And I know that means nothing to you, so let me tell you a little story of something that occurred about six years ago.
     It happened in 2006. I was eleven years old. Every few years my small town puts on a show called the Peace Treaty which is a two hour reenactment of Kansas history all the way from Coronado passing through Kansas up until the white men sighing a peace treaty with the Indians, hence, the name of the pageant. Thousands of people from all over the country come to watch the historical reenactment in our outdoor amphitheater. Everyone in my town pitches in to make the performance. I was in a scene called the Prairie Flower scene with dozens of other little girls. We were waiting to rehearse our scene when it happened.
     A horse broke loose.
     Having grown up on a farm, I had been around horses since I was in diapers so the fact that a horse had run away didn't phase me in the least.
     That is...until it was charging straight at us.
     Panic kicked in. Chaos erupted. It felt like a movie playing in slow motion. The dozens of girls from my scene fled in every direction. I desperately glanced around and started wildly running up a hill, clutching onto every branch or twig that I could find.
      Climb the hill, Anna. Get away from the horse. Climb the hill.
     Out of harm's way...for the moment...Until I glanced over my shoulder and saw the horse plowing up the hill. Heading straight at me. Clutching onto some shrubbery, I crouched as close to the ground as I possibly could.
    I have no recollection of the next few minutes. The next thing I remember was the horse jumping over, feeling its warm, fuzzy stomach brush over my back. What was racing through that eleven-year-old brain of mine? I have no idea, but what I do know is that I should have been hurt or at the very least seriously injured. But I wasn't. Other than being shaken up, I was completely unharmed.
     On that day, I developed a fear of horses. Every time I was around them after that episode, fear kicked in. My heart started racing. I would relive that September day and the horse would be jumping over me all over again. Some people looked at horses and saw their beauty and majesty. I looked at them and saw their power and strength. And for the next six years, that fear controlled me.
    When my best friend Joanna came to visit from Alaska, she really wanted to ride horses. So I arranged for us to ride horses with Terry, a good family friend. I had ridden horses occasionally over the past six years, but always very tense and afraid. A few weeks later, Joanna and I met up with Terry on the wide open prairie with the red gyp hills and broom weed as a background. For the first part of the ride, I sat nervous and tense as the three of us ventured down canyons and through cedar trees.
     Once we made it back to the open prairie, Terry taught Joanna how to gallop. And that's when I decided: I was not leaving until I had galloped. It took some time, but I finally did it-and LOVED it. I finally galloped on a horse and by doing so had conquered my fears.
     Dear fears...
     You. Don't. Own. Me

Living Vs. Being Alive?

Death is more universal than life; Everyone dies, but not everyone lives. ~Alan Sachs

I love that quote so much. There is a world of difference between living and actually being alive. Because everyone lives, but not everyone is alive. Let me illustrate by sharing a recent story. The other day I went around town and dropped off flyers for those interested in learning piano lessons. A few hours later, I received a phone call from a Dad whose three daughters were interested in learning piano. A little bit into the conversation, he questioned, "Would you be interested in teaching a forty-year-old man piano?" Taken by surprise, I managed to stutter out a reply. Thankfully, he was a very talkative man and quickly explained himself. In September, he explained, he'd fallen from a thirty-foot window mill and had literally died. The doctors, however, had been able to bring him back to life by inserting a metal tube into his heart. The tube was the only thing currently keeping him from bleeding to death. It was sort of a experiment, the Dad explained to me. And even though he was stable at the moment, he honestly had no clue how long he would live. He could live to be old or could die anytime. Because of that, he wanted to enjoy every moment and learn new things-one of which, happened to be piano. He concluded: "When I'm lying there dying, I wanna be able to say, 'I did it all.'" That blew me away; I was so inspired and touched by this true story. This brings up a question: why do we live our lives assuming we'll live to be old? Not too long ago, a teenager around here was killed in a tragic car accident. Even though I didn't know him, I remember feeling affected. He was seventeen when he was killed me-the same age of me. If I died right now, would I be okay with it? Part of me says yes. I cannot wait to meet Jesus, walk with Him in heaven, and climb on His lap. I can't wait to meet the brothers and sisters my Mom miscarried before they ever had the chance to live. But at the same time, I know there's still so much I want to do here, now, before I die. That's part of the reason I started a bucket list and try to be so intentional about making memories. I don't just to live. I don't just want to live for a check list or get wrapped up in the busyness and worries of life. After all, relationships are the only thing we can take to heaven. At the end of the day, our checklists don't matter one bit. All that matters at the end of the day-all-is relationships. Our relationship with God  is of utmost importance followed by our relationships with those around us. When I die, no matter how old I am, I want to have nothing left in me.

      Nothing. 

      I want to have spent everything-my energy, my time, my money-investing into my relationship with God and my relationships with the people God has graciously surrounded me with. I really like how it was phrased in a Bible verse I read yesterday-something to be degree of being poured out like a liquid offering. When most people think of 1 Corinthians 13, commonly referred to as the "Love Chapter", they often think, "Love is patient, love is kind..." But I love the first couple verses of the chapter. Check them out! It basically says that without love, we are nothing. It doesn't matter if we give all we have to the pour, if we are martyrs, if we can speak in tongues...Without love, our lives are nothing. 

     So. I encourage you guys to go out and BE ALIVE. Live life to the fullest. That's why Jesus died. Go pour yourself out. Die to yourself. Love. Leave it all on the playing field. Stop making excuses. Relationships are the only thing that matter-don't forget it! 

God, help me. I don't just want to fight to survive.

I want to experience what it means to be fully alive.

That Which Does Not Kill You....

     Everyone always says that change can be a good thing, but honestly, I'm baffled as to how something so painful could supposedly be good.  Most people would probably generally agree with me that change is often a painful experience. I honestly cringe when I imagine my sister and best friend, Bethany, leaving for January and then me eventually leaving for college. I get sad to think about the end of years of NCFCA and my youth group. I hate thinking about saying goodbye to people, knowing that some relationships will never be the same. And I get scared knowing that I will step from what is comfortable into what is unknown. My head knows that in the end change has the power to strengthen me, but my heart doesn't believe it. It's so hard pouring and investing so much into friendships and relationships knowing that before I know it, everything will lead up to the goodbye. Part of me wants to deny that that everything will change and pretend this will last forever, but I know that's not fair of myself. Instead, I want to let change strengthen me and make me a stronger person. As the popular quote says, "That which does not kill you will only make you stronger." So the question I've been wondering the past couple days is how? How do we let change strengthen us? If you have any answers or ideas, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
     Instead of denying that one day I'll have to move beyond the four walls of my little town and step out of my comfort zone, I want to live in light of that. My theme for the remainder of 2012 is this: make intentional memories. I want to make memories, do spontaneous things and laugh a lot. I want to love and pour into relationships, no matter how difficult the goodbye will be. I have to remember that bigger and better things are yet to come. As much as I love my tiny town, as much as I've enjoyed NCFCA, God created me for more. There's a world out there waiting for me to explore. I refuse to live my life in fear and in the safety of my comfort zone. Summary: change is inevitable. How will you respond to it? 

Jane Austen, summer adventures, concerts and music

Yo, dawgs. How we doing? I hope you all are having a spiffy summer! Have you done anything exciting? I've had a great summer, even though I'm still doing school.
May...Kicked off the month with the NCFCA regional touranment. Had our home-school play about the Titanic. It was a fabulous experience and worth all the hours, sweat, and tears poured into it. Two of my sisters also graduated in May and we got to go to Cali for our older sister's graduation.
June...Went to Minnesota for Nationals, which was awesome. Got 14th place in duo with my lil' sis.
July...Went to our Uncle's house at the Lake of the Ozarks for the 4th of July. Ate wayyyy too much ice cream! :) Had a good time boating and tubing. Yesterday I went to a Cody Simpson/Big Time Rush concert with my homegirls. It was an amazing show with fireworks, confetti, beach balls, crazy lights, and amazing singers. I always joke about marrying Cody Simpson, who is like the Austrailian Justin Bieber. :p And Big Time Rush was my friend's favorite band so it was perfect! I frantically listened to BTR and Cody Simpson music a couple days before the concert so I would actually know their music. I've also been having lotsa sleepovers, watching Jane Austen movies, writing poems, researching for debate, and making sandwiches at Subway.

Lately I've been learning how you really can't decide if you're going to have a good day. Last week was like a rollar coaster; one day was good, the next was bad, and on and on. I decided life is a lot like tubing; you can't decide where the waves take you, or how high they are, or bumpy your ride is. All you can do is hold on and have the time of your life. And even if you can't decide if you're going to have a good day or not, you can decide what type of attitude you're going to have. Make lemonade out of lemons, my friends.

I am not creative; my sisters, however, are. So what do I do? Steal their ideas. For instace, my sister Rebekah started something called a joy jar. You get a jar and everyday, write something you're thankful for from the day and put it in the jar. At Thanksgiving, Christmas, or the New Year, you can open it up and look at everything you wrote. Count your blessings.
My sister, Bethany, also started a prayer box. Now, I hate to admit it, but I always forget to pray for people. So I "borrowed" Bethany's idea of having a prayer box and writing down prayers for people and putting them in the box.

Why am I telling you guys this? Because I want you to steal the ideas, too!! :)

Okay. Peace out, my friends.

Nationals

This past week my lil Sis and I had the amazing oppertunity to go compete at the National NCFCA tournament. It was such an amazing experience and getting fourteenth place in our duo was pretty exciting, not to mention a total, complete God thing. We did our duo on a book written by Gene Edwards called, "The Day I Was Crucified."  Here's a link to it (thanks to Magali!) since a lot of you have been asking about it. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycE0Gg575B8&feature=plcp

A prison.
That's all it really was, wasn't it? Not a literal prison, but it was a prison nonetheless. A prison that I, in fact, wore.
A mask.
A mask I had created to protect me from nosy questions and prying eyes. A mask to hide my insecurities and fears. My past. My hurt. But the problem with wearing a mask is this. Overtime, the mask is no longer simply a part of us. No, instead it becomes who we are, our identity. It is much harder to take a mask off than to put it on.
And I learned this: the mask I once wore to protect me now only served to suffocate me. Little by little, it sucked the life out of me.
"Help! I need help. I'm stuck in a prison and I can't get out!!"

Lately I've been reading the book Truefaced, which is what inspired me to write the story above (which is also the same idea I'm going to use for my original next year.) Truefaced basically deals with learning to trust God and others with who we genuinely are instead of wearing masks. And, yes, even though masks-like a prison- might keep us "safe", they don't allow us to truly live. John 10:10 tells us that Jesus came so that we could have life and have it to the fullest. Most abundantly. I love that. I want to learn how to live life without a mask. To live on "real street", as I call it. And most importantly, to live out who God ways I am. My identity and confidence should be found in who God says I am, and nothing less. I encourage you guys to do the same! Live out who Christ says you are-without the mask.

Greetings from California! Today my sister is graduating from BIOLA University here in La Mirada, California. I flew up on Wednesday to spend a couple days alone with my sister before the rest of our family came joined us a couple days later. Rebekah and I enjoyed Wednesday and Thursday together exploring campus, hanging out with her friends, going to the beach at night, going to a delicious milkshake place in Hollywood, exploring downtown Disney, and other fun stuff. Today my family and I all went to the beach. Though it was a little chilly and windy out, we had a good time nonetheless. It's been a good, relaxing week, but I'm starting to look forward to getting back to home sweet home. What are your plans for the summer? Hope everyone is having a great start to summer! 

Here's a poem I wrote! Let me know what you think.

Do you see them? People trapped in prisons of insecurities and fears. Look closely into their eyes and you will see tears. Tears accumulated from Complete frustration, hurt, and desolation. Yet they have no one there to offer comfort and consolation. In their eyes is an emptiness that never dies. You walk past them everyday, too busy to show them there is another way. A way of love, pure love, perfect love from above. You are content to let them be, because the only person you can see in the mirror is "me." They are broken by untold secrets, unfulfilled dreams, and unknown pain. People whose days of sunshine are long gone and they are lost in the blinding rain. Peoples whose lives are shattered. And still others who ended their lives because they were never told the truth that they mattered. You cannot see them because your vision is too dim.

Do you hear them? People are crying. They are dying. They are falling. They are calling. They are haunted by voices from their past, a constant reminder that this darkness will forever last. All they can hear are the voices that whisper, "you'll never be anything. You're worth nothing." Sometimes it's not about the cruel things you said, but what you didn't say. Would it really have been that hard to give them a hug and tell them everything will be ok? Overtime, you will no longer have the capacity to hear. The voices will fade and eventually disappear. You cannot hear them because you are too busy pursuing some new whim.

Do you even care? Or can you even see they are there? Open your eyes-look around-they are everywhere. Can you hear them, their heart wrenching sighs of devastation, their hearts longing for restoration? They say beauty is simply in the eye of the beholder, but we often forget that it is God who is the molder. He molds each and every one of us in a beautiful creation, offering us the gift of reconciliation. Peace is established with God thru the gift of his son; it is thru Jesus' death on the cross, victory is won. Our response should be to give nothing less than our best. To proclaim to the dying world that in Christ, their sins can be removed as far as the east is from the west. The real question is not if you hear them crying, or see them dying, but what will you do? Will you dare to reach out loving arms and tell them of the live they can have anew? Will you offer them compassion instead of making them burn with humiliation? Will you offer liberation instead of condemnation?

My Prayer

We can never measure our relationship with God by emotions. It is a very dangerous game to play. We cannot just follow God because we "feel" like it. These past couple weeks have been very different. Last week God was teaching me so much. I "felt" so close to Him. It was great. This week, though, has been very different. God's still been teaching me a lot...but it's definitely been more tough. One of those weeks were you feel overwhelmed and nothing seems to go your way. It's so easy to let yourself get discouraged and want to give up.

Let's face it: life is tough. Sometimes heaven just sounds pretty wonderful! Sometimes I want to be there already. Today during teaching one of my piano lessons provided an interesting example. Every time my students pass a piano song, I reward them with a sticker. Today my student Madison jokingly said, "How about we just skip playing all the songs and I get stickers instead?" Of course, I didn't go for that! :) But it brought up an interesting point. How can we expect to win the battle unless we've fought? How can we expect to get the metal for running the race that we haven't run? Or...how can we expect to get stickers for songs we haven't played? I love what Hebrews 1:1-2a says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus." I love the first part of that second verse...If we want to win the race, we HAVE to fix our eyes on Jesus. I've been struggling with that these past couple days. When I take my eyes off Jesus, I feel so discouraged and selfish. My prayer is that God would empty me of me. I want nothing left.

The other thing I recently prayed is that God would show me, remind me how petty life life. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the stress and business of life. And believe me, I know. I'm currently trying to get five speeches perfected for our next compensation and prepare music for four totally different things. Plus, work, school, a huge Spanish project...yeah, I know! But I never want to forget that's important in life. Recently tornadoes have been going rampant everywhere in Kansas. This past Saturday, my town was in two tornado warnings plus a watch. When the sirens started going off, we went downstairs to our closet just in case. Right before I went into the closet, I hurried to my room and grabbed something. I remember seeing all the metals I've received thru NCFCA hanging on my dresser...and yet I could care less about them. At that moment, they didn't matter at all. Don't forget what's important.

Well, this has turned out to be longer than I expected so hopefully I didn't bore you to death. :)

Indians and Easter

Mary and I are fighting our invisible enemies. We were very successful. :)

Yesterday we had an Easter bake-sale...This is one of the beautiful cupcakes!

So far, April has been a fabulous month. I am SO excited to have a month to focus on school, music, our home-school play, and preparing for our regional forensics competition, which I'm also super excited about. Today was especially good and relaxing...reading, cleaning my room, working on our Spanish project, and-of course-sleeping in! :) I went to the park with Mary where we enjoyed playing Indians...our newest favorite thing to do since yesterday. It was pretty epic, dodging our invisible enemies. I would highly recommend it. Wishing you all a fantastic Easter!

Emily was reminding me that I haven't posted on my blog in a while so I decided to. It's hard to believe our first forensics meet was two weeks ago! It was a great start to kick off the forensics year. I'm looking forward to Topeka in two weeks and wish everyone good luck for Lincoln next week! Topeka is sneaking up fast and I still need to memorize two speeches and finish writing one. But once that first competition is under my belt and I'm qualified for Regionals, I'm not really worried anymore. So far I'm qualified in four speech events-apologetics, persuasive, duo, and original interp. I'm hoping to qualify for three more at Topeka so we'll see. Enough about NCFCA! :)
I'm having a contact lens fitting tomorrow and can't wait to FINALLY have contacts. I was disappointed to learn today it's going to cost more than I imagined but I hope it'll be worth it. On Saturday, I'm going with one of my friends up to Manhatten, KS for a Japanese festival. I'm not personally interested in Japan, but the friend I'm going with loves Japan so I'm mostly going along for the ride. Anyways, I'll try to post some pictures from it. And, let's see...what else? Today I'm teaching piano lessons. I started teaching another girl recently so that makes four piano students. Next week instead of having lessons we're all going to play at an elderly people's home.

Hope everyone is having a fantabulous day. Good luck at Lincoln.

This and dat

I haven't posted in a while! I've been so busy trying to get ready for forensics next week, music, play practice, and all that stuff. Plus, I'm trying to fight a cold...so pray I don't get sick. Are you ready for Iowa next week? I mostly need to finish up my script submission and last minute memorization. I am definitely excited about next week! Just hoping I get everything wrapped up before then. It'll be great to see people! Forensics friends are funny deals...even though you only see them a couple times a year, they're the best.

Mi Familia

Yes....I am aware that Mary is not a baby, but there's wasn't enough room for all of us!!

Randomness

How is your week going? Mine's, well, going. :p It's been interesting. My favorite part of Tuesday was driving home from harp lesson. Techinally, Mom was driving. Our car smelled really fishy so I rolled down the window and stuck my head out the window-while we were blazing down the highway. It was fun UNTIL I tried to roll up the window....and it didn't roll up. Mom and I thought it was funny, though. It was also neato because on Tuesday after my harp lesson, there was this HUGE ring around the moon. My harp teacher, Julie, said it was supposed to mean there's going to be a weather change. Below is a picture (I found off the internet) that it kind of looked like. My week's been busy...started a Girl's Care Group with youth group, studying for the ACT, music, work, and school. I'm also in charge of music for the play so I'm trying to get that around as well. Hope you guys have a great week! :)

Daniel Fast

My family and I are doing something called the Daniel Fast, which is basically a fast from diary, yeast, sugar, and meats. Basically we've been eating fruits and vegetables. Today is our second day of doing it. It definitely takes getting used to. For instance, at Subway I get to have a free sandwich everytime I work. But now I can't! I can't even have chips or delicious cookies. So now I just eat salads after working. I also biked to work today which made me feel especially healthy. The Daniel Fast though is cool. I would recommend it. It's nice to know the food you eat is actually good for you! Such a great feeling! Anyways, today we tried smoothies, which were alright.

Before...

Yummm.....

The finished product

Music :)

I tried to upload one of my piano videos on my blog, but it failed miserably and was super slow so I decided to attach a link to youtube of me playing. The first one is a song I played for my piano recital...and the second one is an original song I composed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGPSeMCjwSE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tEh9TjD9Nw&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Nepal

Teaching Sunday School

My team...the Freedom Truth Seekers

Alisha

Alisha changed my world. Even though I only spent about 30 minutes of my time with her, I’ll never forget her. Never. My prayer for my mission trip to Nepal was that God would break my heart for what broke His. When I got to Nepal, I saw the poverty and hurt around me. I saw it everyday as our driver skillfully wove through the streets of Nepal. I saw children running through mud puddles, “sacred” cows wandering by the side of the road, and beggars. For one of our first days of ministry, we went into the slums and worked. We preformed our drama and other funny skits, and played with the children. Though I enjoyed my time, I remember feeling disconnected and distant.

But the last time we went to the slums…that’s when I met Alisha. We joined up with another ministry group from our team that was doing crafts with the children. Alisha came right up to me with her huge, beautiful smile. Her eyes were so big and inviting. After introducing herself to me, she pulled me into a hug. From that moment on, we had an instant connection. Over the next half hour, we drew pictures for each other. Alisha told me about herself and I told her about me. When I asked her if she knew Jesus, she laughed and replied, “I think I like Jesus too much!” I laughed and responded to her, “No, Alisha, you can never love Jesus too much.” I could see Jesus in her eyes. She had Jesus eyes, you could say. His love from overflowing out of her in a way that I don’t even understand. Alisha represented joy in a slum of grief. She represented light in darkness. I miss my precious girl so much!

Dis and Dat

wellllll....since everyone has been posting pictures recently, I decided to join because I don't have anything to write about. My awesome cousin Liz and I had a photo/art display at our library and I displayed a couple of the photos above. They were taken with my all too amazing Canon EOS Rebel XS named Tommy. Right now, he doesn't have a battery charger (long story...) so I can't use him because his battery's dead. But I miss him so bad! :(

Cushy Christianity

I know most of you have read this...but I wanted to post it anyways. I updated it some. Don't think my church is some terrible, evil church because it's not, though I realize that this speech might possibly make it sound like it. My church definitely isn't perfect, but the people there really do try to love Jesus and learn more about Him and how to serve Him better.

“While we’ll be in heaven 10,000 years, they’ll be in hell-black as charcoal.”

What did he just say? Please, don’t tell me you just said that. You’ve got to be joking. Tell me you’re joking!

But it wasn’t a joke. Not in the least.

I watched in horror as the other students and teacher joined in laughing at the joke.

At Sunday School.

Yes, you read that correct. Sunday School.

I wanted to walk over and slap his face and then sit him down and inform him of how wrong he was. When did people going to hell become a joke? Isn’t that the exact purpose Jesus came? He cared enough about people’s eternal destination to hang, bleeding and bruised, on a cross. When, over the thousands of year since He resurrected, did we stop caring? Not only stop loving and caring, but making jokes about it? Jason Vana said, “Jesus spent time with prostitutes, hung out with traitors, thieves and liars, drank wine with his disciples, spoke against the religious institutions of the day, called religious leaders sons of hell, stood up for adulterers, and invited murderers to follow him. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that Jesus would be welcome in your church. Christians look down on such things.”

A couple weeks before that, our Sunday School lesson was about idols. My teacher commented that people who followed and worshipped idols become like their idols. While he didn’t use the exact words, it was obvious what he meant: useless, mute, and dumb. I found myself appalled as he went on say people choose to live in darkness, that they chose to ignore the truth. Last year on my mission trip to Nepal, I saw the exact opposite. Yes, I did see people who lived in darkness because they’ve never known anything else. How can they choose to live in spiritual darkness when they’ve never heard the truth proclaimed? I saw, met, touched, and led people to Christ who were blinded by thick darkness. It was like they were stumbling around in a dark room, searching for the light switch. They are so trapped in the bondage of culture, but I’ve experienced first-hand how desperately they not only need, but desire, the truth. They want to experience freedom, not prison walls caving in on them. But do we notice?

No.

Because we’re too busy judging them and making jokes about them going to hell to reach out and share the love of Christ with them. In Nepal, we had the chance to show people the light-the truth! How will these precious people know anything else but darkness unless we go and tell them? Sending a check just doesn’t cut it sometimes. And what about people who worship idols becoming like the idols? On every street in Nepal, vendor’s have tables spread out with hundreds of graven idols. The people who follow these idols aren’t mute and dumb and unresponsive. They’re blinded.

Every Sunday on the way to church, my Dad prays the same prayer. He prays that God will convict the world of “sin and judgment”. But what about love? Why not pray that God will convict people of love and compassion? Take India, for instance. Girls are literally thrown out the door and treated like garbage. My heart aches for them! The only things these girls have been told is how worthless they are. They have never known anything but the sting of pain and rejection. Mother Teresa said that when we judge, it leaves no time to love. I couldn’t agree more. Instead of throwing their sin back in their face, why not proclaim a new message-one they’ve never heard? My cousin recently saw a church signed that boldly declared: “Ready or not, here I come. -Death.” I hate it when people try to scare people into heaven. I don’t want to go to India to preach fire and brimstone. I don’t want to go tell sinners how lost they are. I don’t want to go to India to tell people that unless they become a Christian, they are going to hell. Instead, I want to go to India to tell people how loved and cherished they are.

Jesus Himself said He didn’t come to call the righteous to repentance, but sinners. It’s not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. Jesus Himself didn’t pat the Pharisees on the back and tell them how righteous they were. He reversed the religious normalcy of the way when He boldly proclaimed that the assumed “righteous” of the day were sinners and the “sinners” He called righteous. He graciously accepted the rejected and felt compassion on the people because they were like “sheep without a shepherd.”

A few years ago in Sunday School, another episode occurred a few minutes after the teachers disappeared out the doors. One of the girls in the class started telling us about a woman she’d seen. Correction-making fun of the woman she’d seen. The woman, who was obviously poor, was dressed in shabby clothes. She had, the girl informed us, most likely bought them at a cheap store.

When I went on a mission trip to Italy a couple years ago, one of my highlights was meeting Emon, a Muslim from Iran. After sharing the Gospel with him, he peppered us with questions about Jesus. Though he was a devout Muslim, he didn’t try to hide his interest in Jesus. But he told us his fear: “If I convert to Christianity in my country, I could be killed for my faith.” Three years later, I still remember his words. In America we are privileged to have religious freedom…but it is a “freedom” that comes with an enormous price tag: complacency. It is so easy for us to lose sight of what it looks like to radically follow Jesus, to radically abandon everything for Him, while misusing our religious freedom. Another time in Sunday School, the teacher asked as if it was hard for us to follow Jesus. “No,” the pastor’s daughter laughed, “I have a pretty cushy Christianity.” How can we radically follow Jesus while we are too busy enjoying our cushy Christianity?

Christianity has been morphed into a label instead of something that people are willing to sacrifice everything for. Modern Christianity is so diluted I’m not even sure that Jesus would recognize it. This is why I’m often ashamed to call myself a Christian. It’s not that I’m ashamed to be associated with Jesus, but with some Christians I know. What’s the definition of Christian, anyways? It’s definitely not a word that Jesus invented. I probably wouldn’t know some people were Christians unless it was for their Facebook religious views, and even then I seriously wonder. People frequently put “I love Jesus with all my heart!” on their Facebook information. My question is…where’s the evidence? Jesus Himself said that people will know us by our fruits. Our actions should speak louder than our words. Yes, I’m one of those crazy people who believe our love for God and others should be so obvious that we don’t need a Facebook status to reassure people of our loyalties. Don’t get me wrong. I know some of the best, most compassionate, caring Christians. They truly want to serve God, live out Christ’s words and reach out to the hurting and broken. They inspire to preach the Gospel in the slums, to the rich, and to the lost. They are willing to abandon everything for their Jesus as they radically follow Him no matter where it leads.

Christians like that are refreshing, but perhaps that is because they are so far and in-between. These days people post their Facebook statues something like, “Jesus said to pick up your cross and follow him. He also said that if you deny him before people, he’ll deny you before God in heaven. So re-post this status unless you want Jesus to deny you in heaven!” I can assure you that’s certainly not what Jesus meant when he said that. If we think that is all Christianity is, we are sadly mistaken. When Jesus invited people to pick up a cross and follow him, it was an invitation to die. The cross was an emblem of torture and death. The cross states that we must give up every thought that we have the right to do what we want to do or say what we want to say. Let me tell you something: just because you have your Facebook religious status as “Christian”, doesn’t mean you are. Just because you say you love Jesus, doesn’t mean you do. And posting some stupid status on Facebook isn’t picking up your cross.

Let me close by asking you a question: is this all your Jesus-your religion-means to you? a label? a Facebook status? Something that is neatly tucked in its own compartment, but doesn’t impact the rest of your life? It is wrong of us to boldly proclaim one message, but live an entirely different one.

Wowzers....

Where does all the time go? I mean, seriously? Why does time fly so fast? I realized today that I am going to college next year. Yes. NEXT YEAR. So crazy! Sometimes I'm ober excited to get done with high-school and out of our small town. But other times, like now, I love high-school...despite how school can be frustrating often. I'm so excited about this year...Our home-school play about the Titanic, NCFCA forensics, this summer with camps and hopefully a weekend on the lake, having my friend from Joanna visit, going to Rebekah's graduation in California. But I'm excited for what next year will bring, too! Lately I've been learning to live in the present, not in the future or past. It's easy for me to think that when I go to college I'll be in the "real world" or when I'm a missionary I'll start living. But I'm living NOW! Enjoy life and peace out!

Why I Love Jesus, but Hate Religion

I love this! Wanted to share it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY&feature=g-logo&context=G2adc8f3FOAAAAAAABAA

Here's the dealio

Ok. So here's my confession.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately and.......I don't really like Facebook.

Let me reword that. I like Facebook, but not the idea of FB. Does that make sense?

After getting super addicted to FB, I decided I'd only get on once a day. The more I don't get on, the more I realize how silly it is.

Let me explain more.

Here's why I DON'T like it:

(1. It's SO self-centered. (I.E. "Who liked my status?" "Who liked my status?" etc.)

(2. It's time consuming. It sucks up so much time and leaves you wondering "Where'd my time go????"

(3. It's super distracting.

(4. It can leave you feeling frustrated/jealous with people. Sometimes leaves you wishing you'd been invited to do things with people.

(5. A very CHEAP and EASY way to get involved in people's lives without caring too much. Bad.

So...what's the good about it?

(1. It can be used as ministry. When people get on my FB wall, I hope they see Jesus!

(2. Encouraging. Use it as an encouragement!

(3. VERY easy way to get ahold of people (since we don't have cell phones)

(4. Nice and fun to keep in contact with friends from my mission trips, etc.

I decided not to get on FB until next Wednesday. Not just to practice self control, but also to challenge myself to get really, personally involved in people's lives. To live in the present. Two of my great friends Grace and Joanna don't have FB so it forces me to try so much harder to get involved in their lives and stay in contact than just a little post on their wall (or Timeline).

Anyways, what do you think? How do you use FB for good?

And the truth will set you free

During Christmas break, I've been working a lot on NCFCA Speech and Forensics. It's crazy it starts next month! What categories are you competing? What are you most excited about it? Are you ready? I'm currently working on my persuasive, which is about pursuing the truth. I'm opening with an intro about martyrs in Islam and Christianity and how they both believed they're dying for the truth. I stumbled on this Islamic website with history in Islam. Here's what it said at the top of the page:

"We apologize to anyone who may be offended by the history of the founder of Islam (Muhammad) below."

I am so glad that we don't have to apologize for what Jesus said! I won't apologize when people are offended by the truth. It's interesting that there's been more Christian martyrs in the last century than in the past nineteen centuries...combined. People have found something worth dying for. I love how Jesus never made Christianity seem appealing and easy. He wasn't like, "Look at all you'll get!" but instead He urged them to pick up their cross, die to themselves, and follow Him. He demanded total, 100% commitment.

Very cool. Jesus is awesome.

I HAVEN'T POSTED AT ALL IN 2012!!!

Wow. Only a dork would have that as their title for the post. My New Year's resolution is to be a better dork. Haha, just kidding! ;) Do you have any New Year's resolutions? I'm not a big resolution person, but I like to think about how I'd like to change and grow throughout the year. Considering how I slept most of the day, I had a great New Year's day! I went to church and saw my old youth pastors, which was overall fun, helped my cousin Liz Sunday School, and played the piano. Teaching Sunday School reminded me of when I helped teach Sunday School in Nepal. It was so precious when all the little Nepali girls and boys sang Jesus Loves Me. It was so special. Today we had all the little kids pray for each other, which was equally touching and sweet.

I'm excited about 2012! Can't believe I'm going to be a senior this year. What are you most excited about this year? I think I'm going to get high-lights this year, which'll be cool. I want to learn how to sew, crochet, and play guitar and violin. I think it'll be a great learning experience to write piano music for our home-school drama. I hope I'll grow a lot spiritually and learn how to do many more things!