Lessons from the caterpillar

“It's kind of like a caterpillar, you know. You can't hold onto too tightly or else you'll kill it. And then you end up killing the thing you loved so much.”

“But what if I hold onto it too loosely and it slips out of my hand?”

“Then it's better than holding onto it too tightly and killing it. Don't suffocate it.”

“I don't want to loose it.”

“Just because you let it go doesn't mean you'll lose it. You'll find freedom. It's okay to hold on to something for dear life when it's selfless. But it's not okay to hold tightly onto it when it crosses the line of selfishness. And you know what else? If you let the caterpillar go, it'll turn into a butterfly.”

“The most beautiful butterfly.”

**moral of the story:: hold everything with an open hand**

Hey pretty girl, won't you look my way
Love's in the air tonight
You can bet you make this ol' boy's day
Hey pretty girl, won't you look my way

Hey pretty girl, can I have this dance
And the next one after that
Gonna make you mine there's a real good chance
Hey pretty girl, can I have this dance

Hey pretty girl, it feels so right
Just like it's meant to be
All wrapped up in my arms so tight
Hey pretty girl, it feels so right

Life's a long and winding ride
Better have the right one by your side
And happiness don't drag its feet
Time moves faster than you think

Hey pretty girl, wanna take you home
My momma's gonna love you
She'll make me sleep on the couch, I know
Hey pretty girl, wanna take you home

Hey pretty girl, let's build some dreams
And a house on a piece of land
We'll plant some roots and some apple trees
Hey pretty girl, let's build some dreams

Life's a long and winding ride
Better have the right one by your side
Happiness don't drag its feet
And time moves faster than you think

Hey pretty girl, you did so good
Our baby's got your eyes
And a fighter's heart like I knew she would
Hey pretty girl, you did so good

Hey pretty girl, when I see the light
And it's my time to go
I'm gonna thank the Lord for a real good life
A pretty little girl and a beautiful wife

                                           (Hey Pretty Girl:: Kip Moore)

Dreams

::Teach at a school, volunteer at an orphanage, or start sponsoring a girl in India

::Travel Europe with my sister Rebekah this summer

::get a degree

:let myself be loved by God

::get baptized in the Red Sea

::adopt a girl from India

::stop letting fears keep me from investing in relationships

::go on a mission trip to Mexico with the best friend

::never stop laughing

:;read more

::get my nose pierced

::learn how to serve

::have a vintage wedding
::road trip

::dream big

::My Year In Retrospect

Panama

My year started off in the Darian Jungles of Panama with an incredible team. It was there I learned about what it meant to give everything you have and leave it all on the field. I  learned what it meant to be a love revolutionary and love everyone you come in contact with. 

NCFCA 

 Competed in my last year of NCFCA and had my best year yet. So tremendously blessed by the past six years in NCFCA. The metals and trophies pale in comparison to the relationships I've formed and hold so dearly to my heart. I am so thankful for the lessons that speech and debate has taught me. It's challenged me to think and reminded me that words have power to breath life or death. 

SOMEHOW made it to semi-finals and missed competing in finals by one vote. So blessed. God seriously must have a sense of humor. 

Graduation

I graduated from high-school with two friends I've known since forever. Funniest moment was when I was walking down the aisle and couldn't remember where my speech was and was preparing myself to give an impromptu speech. 

Down South::Georgia 

Went down to Georgia to visit one of my dear friends I met on my mission trip to Nepal a couple years ago! It was my first experience "down south" and I loved it! I loved the Southern accents, sweet tea, and quaint little coffee shops and restaurants. 

Camp

Had an incredible week at camp filled with failing at playing sports, conversations under the stars, memorizing dozens of verses, laughter and jokes, getting one crap of a sunburn, and learning what it means to leave everything at the foot of the cross. 

Nationals

 Had the BEST time ever at Nationals filled with trips to Walmart and Sonic, hours of conversation, losing my voice, endless heavenly piles of bacon, and some of the hardest good-byes I've ever had to say. Treasured each moment of this tournament and couldn't ask for better people to compete with over the past six years! 

Alaska

Spent a week visiting my best friend in Alaska over the fourth of July. Watched fireworks over the ocean, toured the Disney cruise ship, hiked a mountain (almost died multiple times), and ate wild berries like a bear. Cheers to seven years of friendship with this girl! 

Nicholas Tate

 Cheers 3 1/2 years of friendship, taking risks, laughter, sparkling grape juice, coffee shops, poems, trips to the emergency room, attempting to learn how to drive stick shift, music and hard good-byes with this guy. Constantly blown away by how Nicholas shows me God's love every day and makes me look at myself through another pair of eyes and treats me ridiculously well and buys me chocolate and opens up the doors for me. He's a keeper. ((Even though he hates bacon as much as I love it.)) 

Family

Learned to value my family in a way I've never appreciated them before. Thankful for how I've grown so much closer to my mom and am learning to respect my parents, even if I don't agree with them. I love them beyond words.

Here's to deep conversations, learning to love coffee and country music, taking chances, adventures, taking chances, learning to be loved by God, traveling, friendship, prisms, music, and moving mountains in my life. Cheers. Bring in 2k14. 

Settle down with me. 
You'll be my safety. 
I'll be your lady. 

A little bit of Christmas honesty::through another's eyes

"Last night I couldn't shut off the voices in my head. I feel so inadequate sometimes. I'm too hard on myself. I hate how I have the inability to feel. Sometimes I have stupid irrational fears. I'm constantly comparing myself to others. I don't see the point in investing in deep relationships because people always drift apart. I feel like I fail at my relationship with God. I'm not perfect. Really, I'm not. Sometimes I feel like I'm at war with myself and I just hate myself. Sometimes I just wanna cry, for once. You made me look at myself thru your eyes and I start to understand...maybe I can be loved. Maybe I am beautiful. But do you see who I am, deep inside? Beyond the surface?"

"Anna. I know who you are. I understand what you are saying. And it doesn't change one thing. No one is perfect. Nobody! Jesus was the only perfect person that has and will walk this earth. I truly love you, Anna, because I know who you are."

"But who AM I?"

"Anna. Life is about finding out who you are. It's not just going to appear overnight. Who are you trying to be? Who do you want to be? You won't be perfect, Anna. But you are perfect thru my eyes."

"Really, I don't think I deserve to be loved like this."

"Every girl deserves to be loved. Every girl deserves to be treated right."

"I have so much to learn."

"Well. Let me learn with you."

((because sometimes you just need to borrow someone else' eyes to see yourself)

Beloved Jesus...let me be so close to you I can see my reflection in your eyes. 

thoughts from the other side of the world

::sometimes I think to myself, "I don't want God's heart because it hurts too much. It hurts too much feeling what he feels." But then I hold precious babies in my arms, I listen to stories of Syrian refugees, and jump up and down with the children. I see the beaming smile on the proud father's face as his son learns to walk and the joy that glows in every household. And it reminds me. There is hope. There is always hope. And there is a Jesus who holds this children close and dear to his heart, so close they can hear this gentle breathing and soft heartbeat.

Will you hold me that close to your heart, oh, sweet Jesus? so close I can feel your heart beating and your

::practiced skits on top of the roof yesterday with the sound of the call of prayer in the background.

::the good thing about being afraid you'll screw up your relationship is it forces you to run to God, begging on your knees for wisdom. Determine to please God in your relationships. Only him. 

::next week I have the privilege of teaching kids about what it means to dream with God.

Show me, oh God, what your dreams for me are. more numerous than the stars are your dreams for me.

::you can't have these people, Satan. we'll put up a fight. he loves them too much.

"talk about jesus. don't talk about christianity. what are you passionate about? are you passionate about religion?" 

sometimes I think Muslims love Jesus more than Christians. and i wonder. will muslims be in heaven?

::have you ever taken a shower that is so cold it takes your breath away?

::sometimes I still feel like a five year old that is daily changing what she wants to do with her life. mostly i just want to love people. i have this crazy belief that's all that really matters, not what job you work at or where you live. 

Broken Beautiful

I'm looking in a mirror and all I can see is a broken reflection starting back at me.

A reflection broken by the how the world defines beauty.

By the outward appearance, as something you can see.

A reflection broken by the world's standard of perfection.

By the numbers on the scale or your size.

Teach me to see yourself through your eyes.

Cuz I'm looking in the mirror and all I can see is a broken reflection staring back at me.

Father God, when you look at me, are you disappointed with what you see?

With the tenderness of a lover, he replies, “You are the treasure I hold closely in my heart.

You are my mosaic, my masterpiece, a work of art.

If only you could see yourself the way I do.

So I am replacing the lies with what is true.

Dear Child, listen closely and you will understand.

I hold you tightly in the palm of my hand.

You are the rose, the rose for which I cried.

And these are the tears, the tears for you I cried.

Will you let me capture your heart at this moment in time?

Precious Child, will you be mine?”

Cuz now I'm looking in a mirror and all I can see is a beautiful reflection staring back at me.